I tell you what, this was one tough week.  But, I was able to get through it all with the help of God.  What a blessing!

Well, a little over a week ago, my grandmother had surgery to remove an orange-sized growth of lymphoma from the left side of her face.  That was a traumatic experience for her, me, and just about everyone else.  I walked into the icu to visit her after the surgery and she didn’t look anything like herself.  It was sort of frightening.  I was astonished.  The whole left side of her face is now paralyzed.  It droops and she can’t move it.  I thought at the time, what has happened to my grandma?  What an eye opener that was for me.  Originally, I had prayed for her safety and well-being, but after that, I began to pray for her spirit.  I could only imagine what that did to her hopes.  She just looked so down.  I was not used to that air about her at all.  I prayed that she might find peace and joy in the situation; that she might continue to praise God; and that she might be used to bring that much more glory to Him.

Anyways, tonight (Valentine’s Day) my sister and little brother and I prepared dinner for my grandma and grandpa and served them Valentine’s Day dinner.  It was wonderful!  They thoroughly enjoyed it.  I loved just demonstrating our love for them through this.  I also got an opportunity to just sit and talk to my grandmother about this whole ordeal.  I told her all this stuff I just mentioned and it made me feel so wonderful to hear her tell me that she felt so special to know that I prayed like that for her.  For the first time in my life, I felt the greatest connection and closeness to my grandmother than I have ever felt before.  I love her very much and I am blessed by her tremendously.

Valentine’s Day was beautiful.  The weather was amazing, by the way, but the company I shared was what made it what it was.  I had lunch with focus friends.  I got to see 50 First Dates with my parents and brother and his fiancé.  And I got to serve dinner with my sister and little brother and cherish the moments with my grandparents.  Who could ask for a more perfect day for celebrating love- real, pure, genuine, agape love?

Wow!!!  What a day!  I am so incredibly overjoyed.  I tell you what, this was one crazy week I just went through…or maybe it wasn’t, but I thought that was a good way to start off what I wanted to say. Hehe.  Anyways, I have just felt so connected to God lately; it’s so amazing.  I am so grateful for His faithfulness.  You know, I know with all my heart that God answers prayers, but it’s something else to see and recognize an answer to a prayer.  Wow!!!  How awesome!  I have just had so many things on my heart, and I ask Him for certain things.  So, when I hear my sister say that something radical has happened in her life in just the past week, I become overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving.  I just want to go into my backyard, fall on my knees with my arms outstretched towards the sky, and just be consumed by the heavens.  I have felt nothing greater than that.  I can’t even finish describing it all.  It’s so astounding…I just can’t.  What a perfect Father.

wowwy!  haha- I like that one.  Today has been nice.  I had the privilege of talking to some different people- people I don't normally talk to.  It was nice.  Well, this has been on my mind this day.  I think it fits.

"For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.  But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."  --2 Cor. 4: 6-7

I really love listening and talking to people.  I also enjoy watching God move in their lives and change them.  It's amazing. 

So much to think about...there is so much information and random stuff that I hear or read that seems to just sit in my head. I can't stop thinking about it all. I'm tired and it's late, I want to go to sleep, but I can't get all this stuff out of my mind. I'm not worried about any of it right now except for maybe tests for school, but I'm just thinking about it.

I know EVERYONE I meet would think I'm crazy for saying this; they'd all say I'm too young, but I've been raised up for this, thinking about this. I can't stop thinking about my future husband, whomever he might be, and hoping for him. I can't stop thinking about a future with him. I honestly wouldn't mind being married right now. I know I could manage life married and in school through God. I know it's possible. But, everyone keeps asking me, "What about school and a career?" And, my response is generally something like, "What about it?" Why is it impossible to have both? Some people date and go to school. Some people are in organizations or work and go to school. Some people have close friends or roommates and go to school. Is this not at all similar?  Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not supposed to be married right now.  If I were supposed to I would be, but I'm not.
Nevertheless, I feel like, if God were to send me a husband that I were to marry in a year, I would be ready and willing. I've been raised up and prepared for marriage my whole life. I know what it means to be submissive and loving and supportive and appreciative and selfless. I also know that the level of difficulty or ease by which I am able to live these things is porportionally dependent on my husband. Nevertheless, I am called to live that type of life, and through God, no matter the difficulty, I will.
I know that there's more to marriage than just that, but that's the basis and core of the relationship. If that is in place, everything else is manageable.

So, anyway, I think about this a lot. I also think about my family. I also think about the direction my life is going and what I want and feel God is calling me to do with my life, in reference to a career. I think about being a mother. I think about my friends. I think about my daily agenda. I think about school. I think about contentment...which I am actually finding lately. It's kind of new to me. I've always been a great worrier. However, lately, I've just accepted the way things are going and I've just really come to completely trust God. It's strange because it wasn't like I was trying to. It's just something I've noticed that has come over me. I just don't seem to worry. I find peace in the fact that I'm not married, that I'm single, that I'm in school studying the subject I love the most, that I have wonderful and supportive friends, that I have a wonderful family despite our recent rocky road, that I can be alone sometimes.

My God teaches me so much all the time. I'm, often times, overwhelmed by it. But, it's wonderful! My heart is so tender...why did He make me this way? He made me this way to better love and serve Him and others.